Everyone says my ex lives rent free in my head.
And yeah, not gonna lie, after 4 years, going on 5, it still reigns true.
But the real problem is she broke the bathroom sink.
The apartment in my head used to be in decent shape.
Nice paint, nice fixtures, almost immaculate up until recently.
Then one day the tenant moved in,
rearranged the furniture,
punched holes in a few walls,
damaged the plumbing,
and somehow convinced me this was all normal.
Years later she’s still there.
No rent.
No utilities.
No maintenance fees.
Just occupying premium square footage in my subconscious.
The sink drips constantly.
Every memory is a maintenance request.
Every random song on the radio is another complaint ticket.
Every once in a while I tell myself I’m finally going to fix the place.
Then I remember she’s still living there. And where is my effing rent?
Why remodel an apartment when the tenant keeps moving back in?
But you know what? It’s time to give her the landlord special.
I’m gonna coat the whole apartment with the cheapest paint money can buy.
Throw caulk at every crack. Ignore every maintenance report.
And the sink?
Let it drip.
Let it flood.
Let it drown the tenant.
As a matter of fact, why does my mind apartment even need locks?
Let every crazy memory in.
Let every mistake move into Unit 3B.
Let every bad decision set up a grill in the parking lot.
Everybody gets free rent.
Water included, shii the apartment even includes it’s own critters.
The landlord is emotionally unavailable.
Management is under investigation for negligence.
The plumbing is questionable, and nobody is getting their deposit back.
Sinister †Publications 
Leave a comment