† SINISTER PUBLICATIONS†

It feels like an eternity —
Missing you,
Dreading life’s existence,
Slowly dying in this dreadful mood.

I haven’t seen you in days,
And it consumes me whole.
From inside the shadows,
I hide from the truth.

I walked away, and you just watched,
Letting my doubt devour
What little faith I had —
Now I’m running on fumes.

I went from existential crisis
To doubting all existence.
Pain and suffering —
The only things that keep me here.

Then, unfortunately, I met you —
A broken smile I could never heal.
And though I tried, I made it worse.

Now, as I fade away,
I look back one last time,
Just to see if you’re still there…
But even your memory
Evades me in this ungodly cell.

I don’t know what it is that goes on in my head sometimes. Some might say it’s being bipolar, but it’s not. Depression and sadness often creeps out of nowhere, and yeah I am not drowning or anything, or letting it squash my dreams… well I am a little too old now for dreams, but anyway, it’s not that. Out of nowhere, the memories come back so hauntingly vivid that reality get’s blurred. Well that’s a bit of an exageration, no lines are blurred but I still don’t understand how the memories creep up out of nowhere. Its been like three years since we left my life, and yeah I used to see her at work because somehow she got a job there and not seeing her, not that I am looking for her or anytyhing like that, triggers something, a clash of memories hidden deep in the core. Will I ever move on or will this be my final eternal battle where I lose myself and spiral into madness, into the purgatory that awaits those lost in the sea of doubt? Maybe, or maybe I just need to stop being a whiny lil rat bastard and get on with the program: Learn Python and code like the Ultimate Rat Bastard. Yes, that’s it, here we go on a journey of pain and suffering in numbers and symbols… muahahahahaa!!!