† SINISTER PUBLICATIONS†

Inspired by Bluebird

There’s a small child inside me
who still wants to be free.

But I keep him locked up,
far from the world outside.

He used to laugh,
used to waste whole days smiling,
but now he curls in corners
and cries into the dark.

Sometimes I talk to him,
tell him stories
just to keep him company.

He listens.
He even smiles
before the gloom crawls back over him.

He whispers for my attention,
but I rarely give it.
I tell him life has beauty,
but how would he know?
I never let him see it.

He knows nothing
I didn’t teach him —
and I wasn’t a good teacher.

Somehow he learned my sadness,
learned how to die inside
just by watching me.

Now he speaks to me at night,
dreams his own dreams
though I quit dreaming long ago,
back when my hair turned white.

Maybe I should let him go,
let him out,
while I still have strength.

But what would he do out there?
What if the world
breaks him the way it broke me?

And if I close my eyes one final time
and don’t open them again…

where will he go?

I could cry about it —
but I don’t do that anymore.