I would like to share a little weird story with y’all. I thought I was the best, top of my game, and I fucked around to only find out.
Act I: The Water Bottle War
Back when I was working in Odessa, I had those long drives home that test your patience and your bladder. One day, I didn’t wanna stop and waste time. I thought, “be like the truckers, just pee in a bottle, easy.”
Only problem? I had a regular water bottle. The kind with the tiny mouth, built for sipping, not pissing. I tried it anyway while driving — disaster. It spilled everywhere, all over me, and I rolled into Van Horn smelling like straight-up wiz for the rest of the day. Lesson learned? Nah, not yet.
Act II: The Gatorade Gambit
Weeks later, I thought, “alright, redemption arc.” I leveled up — got me a Gatorade with the big mouth opening. This time I was gonna conquer the bottle.
So there I was, cruising, doing the deed, all confident. But nature had more in the tank than the bottle could hold. It overflowed. My lap took the full L, and the Gatorade slipped out of my hand. Soaked again. Driving home not just drenched, but marinated in pure self-doubt.
Act III: The Mirror Incident (Toyah Massacre)
Now you’d think I’d have learned my lesson. NO. NO. It’s me we’re talking about.
I bought another big Gatorade, drank it, and right as I passed that little gas station — Toyah, I think — I pulled it off. This time, success. No spills, no overflows. I was happy.
But then… hubris. With my left hand, I leaned the bottle out to dump it. For reasons unknown to science or God, I tilted it by the side mirror. The pee hit the mirror and sprayed back inside like a golden sprinkler of shame. It rained down on me, worse than all the times before.
The Finale: The Tasmanian Gay Devil
By the time I got home, I smelled like straight-up piss and fury. Pissed off worse than a Tasmanian gay devil — spinning mad, soaked, and sparkling with rage.
Outro
And did I learn my lesson? Kind of. But now I stop at every gas station… just so I don’t find out. And yes, it is very freaking dangerious to drive and do that stunt. I was playing with fire and got a self righteous golden shower. Talk about the freaking laughter hidden in the pain of failure.
Later suckas!
Sinister †Publications 
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