“Here it is, you rat bastards!!!”
The revolution is no longer televised—it’s deep-fried, flame-grilled, and wrapped in foil. The Food Uprising has begun, and the streets of San Antonio are slick with queso and vengeance.
🍔 BREAKING: San Antonio Strikes Back
After the Alamo was taken in Issue 2, the city retaliated with a barrage of breakfast tacos and tactical brisket.
- Tamale tanks rolled down I-10.
- Churro drones dropped cinnamon payloads.
- A rogue barbacoa general declared martial law in the Riverwalk.
🌮 The Tortilla Front
Corn and flour factions have united under the banner of La Masa Unida. Their demands?
- Recognition as a sovereign starch.
- Free guac for all.
- The return of the sacred molcajete.
🧀 Queso Currency Crisis
El Paso’s papier-mâché Alamo was returned, but not before it was dipped in Velveeta and declared a symbol of economic resistance.
The queso standard is collapsing. Salsa futures are volatile.
One chip now buys you a gallon of gas and a confession from a city councilman.
🐕 Meanwhile…
The Whataburger Serial Killer has struck again.
But new evidence suggests it’s not a man…
It’s an ABOMINATION.
Sinister †Publications 
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